My last blog post in May was from a very fragile place. I was suffering heavily from severe depression, that came out of nowhere and hit me like a tonne of rubble. I’ve suffered the black dog since my teens so I now know how to recognise the signs of the dog creeping in, but this time I couldn’t shift him, he was firmly sticking in his claws.
I don’t want to dwell on the negatives or make my blog a continuous talk of depression but long story short. I was crying repeatedly most days, not getting out of bed or dressed and feeling terribly hopeless. This is not me, my usual personality is vibrant full of laughter and joy but it is my illness and attacks whenever it feels, even sometimes when life is good!
It’s normal and it’s OK…. that was the one of many beautiful things I took home from RHS Chelsea Flower Show, after speaking to Ian Price the creator of the ‘Mind trap Garden’ his quote from the his personal dealings with depression is ” It’s OK to not be OK” I love that, that’s one of the things that helped me admit I needed a break to stop, recharge and get well again!
It’s OK to not be OK!
And that I did, I was the worst I’ve ever been, I went to my doc knowing I couldn’t recover alone and got some medication which has been terrific. I am dubious about taking meds, but I couldn’t see a silver lining, I had a massive hormone inbalancement and needed help!
After a few days I was no longer crying and after a few weeks I started to get my spunk back! All the while I have to say I have never had so much love and kindness sent my way. My lovely twitter family and Insta family have been so so supportive!
I recoil when I’m not feeling well, I’m an extrovert on the surface but really a massive introvert. My fellow bloggers and followers noticed I wasn’t there and read how I felt and gave me the most beautiful and motivating messages of love and kindness and that was a huge part of my recovery!
And there is of course my garden, my non judgemental space! I lost a tonne of seedlings on the allotment in the polytunnel because I didn’t get out of bed or dressed most days, so watering didn’t happen and the plot went wild! The garden on the other hand was lovely because when I finally did surface for the day I’d potter about and pick here n there, pull out the odd weed etc. Most of it was done in my pj’s but the garden doesn’t judge! Nature wants to perform for YOU, make YOU smile! You just have to give it a tiny nudge and it will reward you with warmth and a show that say’s hey you “forget your troubles, come on get happy, we’re here to chase all your cares away” and it really does!
So amongst the sadness and fog, there has been love and beauty and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all your support and most of all for sticking with me, but now it’s safe to say I feel so much better and I’m now ready to continue blogging again and about horticulture would you believe!
Thank you all so much for your patience…..
Lots of Love and brightest blessings,